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I remember vividly the day my husband was diagnosed with cancer. We sat in the doctor's office, not saying anything after the doctor confirmed the lesions on Joseph's esophagus were malignant. Even though we had asked for the truth, it was still an incredible shock. I had never actually thought to hear the word "cancer." Perhaps we really thought he was going to say it was something that a pill could easily treat and make go away.

The entire office scenario felt incredibly unreal and out of sync, as if it was someone else getting this terrible news, or it was a television show we were watching. I had this incredible denial in my head my husband did not have end stage esophagus cancer.

Emotion took me on a great, overwhelming ride. I started crying, noisily and I had no control to stop it. The nurse who was also in the room put an arm around me. I had wondered why she was there; now I knew why. I was so overtaken by emotion that my body shook. The doctor put an arm around me next, saying it would be all right. Joseph just said to me, "It'll be okay. It'll be okay, Hon."

Vividly, I can still see that moment. Totally engulfed in grief, sadness and fear I cried so hard my entire face was wet and my body heaved with loud, wracking sobs. I stared at my husband who stood silently across from me, taking it all in. It took me a long time to calm myself, and at some point Joseph put an arm around me. That was the beginning of the never-ending numb confusion. The doctor tried to reassure us, murmuring that it would be all right. I almost felt bad for him, having to deliver the news.

Later, I recalled his words and the concern on his face. I wondered, what does it really mean when they say it will be all right? Was everyone's idea of "all right" different?

It took a long time to figure out what those words meant to me and my family. "Everything will be all right." To me, it came to mean a slow, methodical healing as we walked from beneath the shadow of loss.

Elaine Williams ©2008

Elaine Williams is a writer across various genres. She is a mother and a widow of four years. She can be contacted at onwingspress@yahoo.com http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com

Coping Responsibly With Addiction. Do you Get It?

Preventing and Dealing with Problems

While preventing a problem before it happens is usually “better” than facing the problem, typically it also involves a different level of complexity. Let me explain. Preventing genital herpes or AIDS, for instance, is obviously “better” AND far easier to deal with than curing these diseases. In fact, given our current medical knowledge, both genital herpes and AIDS are without cure. As another example, consider unwanted pregnancy. Again, unwanted pregnancy is far easier to prevent and usually less difficult to cope with than an abortion or bringing an unwanted child into the world. As a final example, think about the people who have lost their driver’s license for six months due to the fact that they got caught driving with marijuana in their vehicle. Certainly, preventing this situation from ever happening is significantly easier and far less problematic than the reality of losing one’s driving privileges for six months.

The Significance of the Problem Also Matters

Preventing and solving one’s problems, however, also involves another consideration. To be specific, the more significant the problem, the wider the gap between prevention and dealing with the consequences of the problem. To better understand this point, let’s consider two people, Mary, who has cut herself while cleaning some gardening tools and Jeff, who has terminal, sexually-transmitted AIDS. On the one hand, it is reasonable to conclude that Mary could have prevented herself from getting cut had she worn the appropriate gloves while cleaning her tools. On the other hand, it is also plausible to assert that Jeff could have prevented himself from getting terminal AIDS had he worn the appropriate protection during sex. While both examples involve failure to wear proper protection, it goes without saying that facing a terminal illness is far more difficult to cope with than facing a cut that will heal itself in a few days.

Responsible and Irresponsible Problem Solving

Once a person has failed to prevent a problem from happening, however, it is important to ask what the person is planning to do about the situation. In most, if not all, circumstances, there are responsible and irresponsible ways of dealing with and solving one’s problems. Considering the examples outlined above, there are responsible AND irresponsible ways of dealing with genital herpes, AIDS, bringing an unwanted child into the world, considering an abortion, cutting oneself while cleaning some tools, and dealing with losing one’s driving privileges due to possession of marijuana while driving.

In a similar manner, people who have become addicted to drugs, alcohol, porn, or to the Internet, for instance, certainly would be in a more favorable position in life had they been able to prevent their addiction. Once they ARE addicted, however, it is important to ask what they are going to do about their addiction.

Seeking Treatment for Addiction

According to an article entitled “What Makes An Addict Seek Treatment?,” researchers at the University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB) discovered some important information regarding addiction and treatment. According to the UAB researchers, people are more likely to seek treatment for their addiction if they can identify or observe major consequences that are caused by or associated with their illness or disease. In the words of one researcher, “It's how much a person believes the drug or alcohol has affected their life and relationships that spurs them toward treatment.”

Conclusion

While I don’t want to be over simplistic about the significance of the findings by the UAB researchers, I am going to break this down to something that most people will either understand or fail to comprehend. Some people base their lives and their interactions on reality while others do all they can to avoid letting the facts get in the way. Some people face their problems responsibly while others do not. Some people listen to their bodies while others are out of sync with and tune out this information. In a word, some people have a sense of responsibility to others and to themselves while others act irresponsibly in almost every facet of their lives. In most instances, addicts who “get it” will seek treatment while those who “don’t get it,” won’t. Do you “get it”?

Copyright 2007 - Denny Soinski. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. Reprint Rights: You may reprint this article as long as you leave all of the links active, do not edit the article in any way, and give the author credit.

About the Author

Denny Soinski, Ph.D, writes about Alcoholics Anonymous and a higher power, alcohol rehabilitation, alcohol detox, alcohol abuse, alcohol addiction, alcoholics and the need for treatment, alcoholism, alcohol recovery, alcohol treatment, and alcohol rehab. For more information, please visit consequences of irresponsible drinking right away!

Is it possible for a Starter or Starter Motor to be 'on its way out?'?

Every now and then, my car starts irregularly. It usually happens after it has been on. It will -almost- catch, turn over, slower for like one second, then start right up, rapidly. and catch. Seems a little out of sync.

I wonder what the Starter or Starter Motor is. I, too, owe myself a cleaning of the Battery Terminals AND Test of the Battery (Its an Interstate but Winter is coming, maybe its a little low on charge) -- (if the test says "OK" its OK, right?)

I have the 1991 Oldsmobile Cutlass Calais.. Is it Possible for a Starter to start the car in a strong, yet kinda out of sync manner? Can a Starter be 'on the way out' and still work?

My Mechanic wont fix it unless its broke...

Well I have some good advise. Get another mechanic. I don't mean to sound mean but you know it isn't right and that means what? That something is wrong. If you can't trust your car it is wore out or broke.
The battery and charging needs to be cleaned/checked. The ground wires need to be cleaned. This is engine to body as well as engine to battery/frame. I am not there to hear the sound but it could be the starter. If the timing is off bad it could do things similar to this. Yes, a starter can do weird things before it goes out.

Visa to bring wireless payments to Apple iPhone users starting this summer
Visa Inc. and DeviceFidelity, Inc. are working to allow Apple iPhone users...

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